Is my FEAR Greater than my Faith?

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Fear has been haunting me. Not so much the actual act, but simply, the 4 letter word. I have been contemplating if/when I finally get a tattoo, & what I want my very first to be. I know a Tori Amos lyric is in the top running & I keep resorting back to the very first lyric that I ever read by her, I was 12, & it has meant a lot to me ever since. It goes: “And I fear my fear/is greater than my faith/but I walk the missionary way”.  I have thought of getting that entirely as a tattoo, or simply, “I walk the missionary way.” Then, one of my favorite bloggers & my most faithful for ACM, Susan,  wrote a very thought-provoking post recently about FEAR & how she had an ‘AHA’ moment over coming just that.

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I actually do have a fear, very much so. Death. The thought of losing my Mother, a loved one, or myself, dying, absolutely terrifies me. I have had 2 deaths in my life that have deeply affected me, both were a shock & sudden; even on the same day, no less. My Aunt in 2009, & my dear friend, Lauren, just a month ago. While my Aunt was 61 & Lauren just 20, they were both much, much too premature deaths. I think of their future, they both spoke of them, Lauren, in school in Canada, having a great college life & my Aunt, planning her next voyage to Europe, which even required refunds for as she had just booked the trip. The thought of myself & those I care about just one moment going POOF is so daunting to me. Where do we go? Why do we leave? I try to hope there is some kind of after life, re-incarnation, so this one little stop into the world is not the end for us, but who knows. All I know is, it scares the hell out of me if I think about it too long. Thus, why I try to just keep moving, or not let other fears get the best of me for too long.

That is my fear. What is/are yours? & please tell me your thoughts on death & what happens once we pass away.

 

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(*All images from Pinterest)

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About Along Comes Mary

Book Worm, Internet Nerd, Blogger, Daughter, Friend, Caffeine Addict, Non Smoker who sometimes smokes, Lover, Fighter, Ear with Feet, In Search of Bunbury, Gluten Free Pescatarian. Enough about me, what about YOU?;-)
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8 Responses to Is my FEAR Greater than my Faith?

  1. Amanda says:

    I think my biggest fear is failure. Luckily, it doesn’t prevent me from doing things at which I might fail, though. Rejection is another one.

  2. Mary – You are so wonderful and I am blessed to have you on my side and in my life. Fear is a four letter word and having great friends to help you through is a must. Can’t wait until you can visit and have a girl night.

  3. noellepicara says:

    I think my biggest fear is dying without accomplishing anything that I wanted to do in life. Love your tie to the Tori Amos lyric. I have to tell you that I first found out about Tori Amos (also when I was 12) from a Vogue article she was in. In the article they had highlighted the lyric “so you can make me cum, that doesn’t make you Jesus.” I went out and bought her album immediately, without even having heard her music. The rest is history.

    • OMG Noelle, my story is so similar! When I read that lyric from Suede at 12 yrs old, it was in Vanity Fair!:) I didn’t know her music at all, but found Little Earthquakes & the rest is my history;)

  4. annepelczar says:

    Well, I won’t try to “evangelize” you 🙂 But it does make all the difference to have faith – to know that death is not the end, but only the beginning of eternity… and all your struggles here will finally be rewarded. I am, too, still afraid of dying. The thought of not knowing what eternity actually looks like scares me. But I have that to hold on to. I know that MY eternity will be awesome. That’s what really takes that big fear (or should I say uncertainty) out of death for me.

  5. artisticrite says:

    What do I fear?
    Yeeeeesh……not experiencing all this amazing world has to offer, so I suppose i fear death too. Loosing my son, husband, mother or father is hard, more than I want to contemplate. To not play an important part of helping humanity to rise to its next step in the walk of enlightenment is also a fear, but generally I am not that evolved. I am not too sure i have that much impact on the whole thing. FWIW. There have been at minimum three deaths in my one degree of seperation this past month and I am consumed with the weight of the “what next” question.To die myself, well, I suppose it does beg the “what next” question. I don’t have a tidy, faith based answer like previous individuals here, but I can say there are times when I look into the eyes of an elder or a child and see infinity.
    Please forgive this rambling post.

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