Fear has been haunting me. Not so much the actual act, but simply, the 4 letter word. I have been contemplating if/when I finally get a tattoo, & what I want my very first to be. I know a Tori Amos lyric is in the top running & I keep resorting back to the very first lyric that I ever read by her, I was 12, & it has meant a lot to me ever since. It goes: “And I fear my fear/is greater than my faith/but I walk the missionary way”. I have thought of getting that entirely as a tattoo, or simply, “I walk the missionary way.” Then, one of my favorite bloggers & my most faithful for ACM, Susan, wrote a very thought-provoking post recently about FEAR & how she had an ‘AHA’ moment over coming just that.
I actually do have a fear, very much so. Death. The thought of losing my Mother, a loved one, or myself, dying, absolutely terrifies me. I have had 2 deaths in my life that have deeply affected me, both were a shock & sudden; even on the same day, no less. My Aunt in 2009, & my dear friend, Lauren, just a month ago. While my Aunt was 61 & Lauren just 20, they were both much, much too premature deaths. I think of their future, they both spoke of them, Lauren, in school in Canada, having a great college life & my Aunt, planning her next voyage to Europe, which even required refunds for as she had just booked the trip. The thought of myself & those I care about just one moment going POOF is so daunting to me. Where do we go? Why do we leave? I try to hope there is some kind of after life, re-incarnation, so this one little stop into the world is not the end for us, but who knows. All I know is, it scares the hell out of me if I think about it too long. Thus, why I try to just keep moving, or not let other fears get the best of me for too long.
That is my fear. What is/are yours? & please tell me your thoughts on death & what happens once we pass away.
(*All images from Pinterest)